MEETING OF THE HOGANSVILLE CUB SCOUTS, MONDAY, JAN. 18th 1960
4: SKIT: THEME, "NEWSWEEK" (FOCUSSED ON "SCIENCE IN THE NEWS")
SHRINKING UNIVERSE: A T.V. PRESENTATION.
ABLE GABLE (your friendly announcer)
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
AL FRESCO (a scientist who
returned from a trip to the moon) . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sidney
ROBINSON FLIP (an M.D. who
specializes in Space) . . . . . . . . . . . . Philip
REUBEN BIRD (a Space pilot)
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Nathan
VAN MORON (T.V. Interviewers)
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Jimmy
VAN BORIN . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . .Dennis Sims
HASBIN ("FINIS" Commercial)
(Prompter) (Optimist) and . . . . .Den Mother
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
This is Station S.L.O.B.; "Shrinking Universe"
next in sight. The most turbulent program on the air -- so fasten your
seat belts, plee-ase. (Sugar voice) But first -- a word from our Beloved
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"IF I HAD THE WINGS OF AN ANGEL")
Take "FINIS" and shed all your
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And now -- for SHRINKING UNIVERSE!!
DOCTOR, PILOT SEATED AT LEFT OF TABLE. THE INTERVIEWERS, VAN MORON AND
VAN BORIN WITH PAPERS AND PENCILS, EAGER AND BUSINESS-LIKE AT RIGHT. THE
SPACE EXPLORERS LOOK RATHER BLASÉ.
This is "SHRINKING U.," the
people's comic program . .
Pardon me, Jim -- COSMIC.
What's the dif? Now, let's get on with the program.
Tonight we are bringing you the famous Space Scientist, Dr. Al Fresco.
Dr. Fresco -- or may I call you Al? This man doesn't have to figure out
how to get there -- he just goes way out THERE and collects stuff for
Science. Professor -- or may I call you Al? they say you claim your home
is any place, so long as it's in Space?
Reet, man. Any place in Space.
And this gentleman with him is Colonel
Reuben Bird, the man who flies that Space ship there and back. What
would you say was the most important thing a pilot must know about
flying a Space ship, Colonel?
BIRD: (SHIFTING HIS WAD OF BUBLE GUM)
How to bring her back, man.
This other gentleman is Doctor Robinson
Flip. He has just published that smash-hit book, "MILTOWN ON
THE MOON" --
"MOON OVER MILTOWN."
Sorry, Doc, I haven't read it yet.
I have !!
I haven't written it yet.
(HURRIEDLY CHANGING SUBJECT)
Ha, ha -- Dr. Flip goes along to see nobody
gets nervous. These gentlemen (SUDDEN SPOT COMMERCIAL SONG) have
just returned from the MOON: (JAMES PAUSES AND TRIES TO LOOK PLEASANT)
Dr. Flip, did anybody on the trip get nervous?
DENNIS: (TO PILOT)
suh -- did you have any trouble on the trip?
much. A little trouble with the animals, a little with the Doctor,
a hole in the fuselage maybe. Like routine, man.
WORD! A hole in the fuselage; that must have been SPOOKY! What
did you do?
DOES NOT ANSWER, BUT SLOWLY AND MEANINGFULLY BLOWS OUT HIS BUBBLE
GUM. IF HE FEELS HE IS ABOUT TO FAIL TO BLOW THE BUBBLE ON CUE,
LET HIM SLOWLY AND SILENTLY PULL OUT A LONG TRAIL OF GUM, WITH A
SERIOUS, REVERENT LOOK ON HIS FACE. NOBODY ON STAGE MUST BREAK UP
DURING THIS BUSINESS, OR IT WON'T BE FUNNY TO THE AUDIENCE.
well -- what do you know? And animals -- you mentioned animals.
What kind of animals, Al?
mouse, a raccoon, a parakeet, two lizards.
had trouble with them?
Some. Yes, quite a bit.
it seems the ground crew forgot to pack -- like our lunch.
er, er -- Van Porin -- HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO PLUCK A PARAKEET
(IN DREAMY, BALMY VOICE)
(GIVING HIM A SHOVE)
doctor seems to have had a shock. What was the shock, Doc?
ran out of comic books. Col. Bird had the last ball of bubble
gum. We ran out of cigarettes. Someone -- I believe it was the
vice-president -- had sent us a bunch of gladiolus. We tried to
smoke them: we are thinking men. There were too many little
blue feathers. Feathers, feathers everywhere --
mind, Doctor -- we all understand. (TURNING TO THE PROFESSOR)
How did you find the mouse?
what about the raccoon and lizards?
raccoon was tough, man. But the lizards -- ah! (PROFESSOR SMACKS
HIS LIPS AND BLOWS A KISS IN MID-AIR)
make me hungry, Professor. And now tell us what our television
audience and the world is waiting to hear. Al, pal -- tell us
-- what is it like on the MOON?
what were the weather conditions like?
now -- tell us what you found there.
-- hm, er, FASCINATING! What, er, kinds of rocks, Al? Better than here,
maybe? Precious minerals, gold, uranium, strontium and so on?
-- just rocks, rocks, rocks, rocks. Like those rocks, everybody
can see in this jar. (HE HOLDS UP A FRUIT JAR FILLED WITH AVERAGE
are amazing rocks, Professor. I am sure that these rocks will
mean a great deal -- will mean everything -- to Science. Rocks
from the moon, yet!
from the moon, yes -- Mr. Van Rearin. But some of these Dr. Flip took
out of here. (TAPS HIS FOREHEAD) At these Science will flip, man. And
this (HOLDS UP SQUARE JAR) Just think, man. From the moon -- square
trip has certainly been a milestone in history, Professor. Think
what it may mean to humanity. It must have done some great good
to mankind -- and I am sure you will now tell us what that is.
I will. It got me and my buddies here on television.
(CHUCKLES IN A SICKLY WAY)
have just heard Professor Al Fresco, his Space Pilot and his Space
Doctor. Thank you, Professor.
there any last word you would like to say to our audience, Professor?
Something perhaps you found on the Moon you haven't shown us yet?
yes, man -- I forgot. We found this (AFTER A GOOD DEAL OF FUMBLING
IN VARIOUS POCKETS THE PROFESSOR FINALLY DRAGS OUT A RUSSIAN FLAG.
HE DOES NOT SEEM TO REALIZE WHAT IT IS. PROFESSOR SHAKES IT, SPREADS
IT, SHAKES HIS HEAD ADMIRINGLY) Man -- what a bandana!
in next week at the same time and hear the Universe shrink some
LOLITA HOLDS UP HUGE BOTTLE LABELED
2000 Estate of Gwynneth Mary Woodhouse Ware